To mark the one-hundredth running of the Tour de France begun today on the Mediterranean island of Corsica, I’m launching the first in a series of occasional posts entitled, Things Those Cool Guys in the Tour de France Would Never Do With Their Bike So You Shouldn’t Either You Numbskull.

Sometimes I’ll be forced to use myself as the example, as I have this time and probably will be doing most of the time because I can’t get anybody else to ride with me except my wife and she’s left the country right now. She didn’t leave because of my biking practices though. It’s just a coincidence. I swear.

So here’s the first You Shouldn’t. Never lock your bike to a pole that’s less than like, say fifty-feet tall. Unless you’re sitting a few yards away by the window inside El Jordan Cafe or someplace ready to run out with your mace and nail them good. You see, in cities where anything can be fenced easily and bike theft has itself become a sanctioned sporting event, people are driving around holding this picture in their hand looking for somebody that’s done exactly what we did. And if your locked-up bike can be lifted high enough to overtop the sign, Kryptonites or not, they feel compelled by the spirit of athletic competition to do just that.